Sunday, September 27

Guest Post: New Mom Advice

I have loved seeing a new side of my college roommate as she tackles mom-hood. And she is doing great! I asked her to write a post about her new mama experiences and she absolutely delivered.

Thanks, K, for a great friendship and a great post!


When Meredeth asked me to write a blog about parenting, I wasn't really sure where to start. I have only been a mom for 4 months, so I'm certainly no expert. I imagine I do something similar to what every new mom does: crack open What To Expect The First Year every time the baby squeaks a way they haven't before. Really the only advice I have to give, is to simply be an educated parent. What I decided to talk about instead, is something about parenting that no one really told me: how much it changes your marriage.

G & I had 4 years of mostly sunshine and rainbows before we even filled out an application at an adoption agency. So, we just thought, we'll add a cute little baby to our perfect little life. Wouldn't it be great if things were that simple? We used to do everything together. Grocery runs, going to bed at the same time, vacations, game nights, you name it. We were rarely separated. When our son was two weeks old, I was faced with the decision of do we take a two­ week­ old to the store OR do I have to go by myself?! That was a smack in the face that my days of G pulling me into empty aisles to steal a kiss were over. 

While we started working through doing things on our own,we also started having trouble communicating. S cried a lot the first month of his life, so when G and I did communicate, it was at a noise level similar to yelling. I spend a lot of that month unsure if we were mad at each other or just talking really loud. We never considered leaving S with a sitter, because he had colic. Why would we put that on someone else? Thankfully that phase has passed, and 4 months later I finally feel like we are getting back into the swing of things. 

Here are some things that worked for us:

  • If a friend offers to babysit, schedule it immediately! Once on your date, try to talk about something other than if your baby pooped today.
  • If one of you stays home, don't EVER tell the working parent how lucky they are that they get to leave. I regretted those words the second they came out of my mouth. I completely understand that it is hard to have a tiny human screaming in your face, but think about how hard it is for them to leave you, knowing that you will be having a rough day and they can't be there to help. Your spouse might be getting screamed at too, but they probably can't hide in the bathroom eating Ben & Jerry's.
  • Moms, let your husband, THE PERFECTLY CAPABLE father of your child, stay home along with the baby, and don't treat them like a babysitter. If they need you to leave them a schedule, fine. But they could probably survive without the essay on "Taking Care of Baby" that you leave for your sitters, and they probably don't need the list of emergency contacts either. It astounds me when I run into people I know while running errands, and they freak out that S isn't with me. Hello! He has a father!

There's no denying that every aspect of your life will change once you bring a little human into your family. This is just one area where there were huge changes that we weren't expecting.

Hopefully these ideas help the big change be a positive change.

No comments: